Thai Journal 8

The purpose of this journal, as with my others, is to document my 8th trip to Thailand and also to serve as a submission to Stickman’s Guide to Bangkok. In this journal as with my others, I don’t Ben Dover to the sensitivities of bleeding heart, peace pansy, fag, or other idiot awaiting lobotomy, so you may be offended by some of the material. If this is the case, my advice is for you to get a life.

This journal includes a large initial section on Thai massage, since this is the main purpose of my visit this time out. It’s not an epic about how many bargirls I racked up (in fact, this is the only trip where I did not pay one single barfine), or details on bedroom Olympics. That said, you may nonetheless find the information on Thai massage highly informative, as it’s my belief that it’s a mere matter of time before most people will eventually be in need of such therapy. The hands of time weave their degenerative effect on even the best and fittest of bodies.

There has been much written and even more myth and rumor spread about the virtues of Thai massage and its reputed curative/healing value. Some adherents attribute an almost magical quality to it and claim it can cure everything except the common cold. Others (like Dana) go on rants about how ridiculous it all is and how much of a waste of time it is to get a massage, as they believe it does nothing for you, and is nothing but hype. Well, for my part, I don’t believe in any hocus-pocus bullshit, weird Zen spirituality, am not religious, and entertain nothing but observed fact. I am a scientist and take a scientific approach. I worship the truth. Anyway, the key to massage is knowing what it is all about, what it can do for you, and what it can’t. Those who go into it all expecting to walk away somehow dramatically changed are likely due for a letdown. However, there are benefits, as documented in this journal.

Unfortunately, this trip brings me to Thailand in a physically debilitated condition due to many things that have happened in the past year, and I will spare the reader some of these details largely out of discretion. The pain has been ongoing for a full year at this point with absolutely no letup; it’s kinda’ like somebody took one of those clips you use to keep a potato chip bag closed at the top and put it on my nuts...and left it there for a year. The pain becomes increasingly unbearable. I liken it to Chinese water torture, which involves the mere splattering of a drop of water on the forehead, one after another in rhythmic and exacting succession. The first drops do nothing, but eventually, it drives the victim mad and causes death. To continue, here is a partial list of my maladies:

Hamstring pain/inflammation and tension (chief problem)

Herniated discs (2)

Degenerative disc disease

Nerve impingement

Arthritis

Pulled muscles

Spine misalignment

Hip misalignment

Tendonosis

Chronic lower back pain

Shattered brain

Of course it could be argued that the last ailment was acquired at birth. Suffice it to say that the fact that I have not had a single painfree day in more than a year has made an impact on my brain housing group. My level of patience with even simple little things and ability to concentrate on what’s going on, or to mentally focus, are much degraded. This is distressing, as it significantly decreases my effectiveness at all endeavors and makes even the simple difficult. On the physical side, simple things like tying my shoes, brushing my teeth, shaving, putting on my socks or even pants, climbing stairs, or even leaning forward can be excruciating to the point that I try to avoid any such activity. Suffice it to say that my back is in bad shape, my whole body is inflamed, and I’m in pain as I type these words. My mission here in the LOS is to see if a bit of massage therapy won’t help, and that’s really about all this time out.

Anyone who has had a serious back injury knows that it’s critical to relax in order for the back to heal. For an always-on-the-move individual like me, and after what I’ve been through in the past year, true relaxation is easier said than done. Relaxation is key in order for the body to heal itself. Since I am anti-drug, my doctor actually had to convince me to even take an anti-inflammatory, telling me that the presence of inflammation retards the healing process. From the same logic, this is why the body and mind need to relax in order for the healing process to kick in. And since I have trouble entering a true state of relaxation, let’s see if some young Thai masseuse princesses can’t do that for me.

After having my nose hair scissors seized by a piece-of-shit do-gooder security bureaucrat in Taiwan (who probably thought he was saving the airplane from certain hijacking by an obvious American jack-booted thug) on the layover, I landed for the 8^th time in Thailand. This trip will find me staying at the Silom City Hotel on Silom Soi 22 for the entire stay, which I will utilize as a base of operations from which to launch my assaults on the massage houses in the vicinity. This was also my first trip where I did not make it down to Pattaya, or indeed even out of BKK. (The abovementioned security bureaucrat actually recognized me on my way back to the States and approached me. I asked him if he was enjoying the use of my scissors and if he wasn’t going to seize something else.)

Mankind was not meant to leave the oceans and venture onto land! On second day, took a trip over to Lumpini Park to check out their public swimming pool. If you think about it, many of our bone problems, to include especially back, knee, foot, and even tendon and many maladies come from the effects of gravity on the body and the incessant hammering our bodies take from being on land. You don’t realize it in your daily life, especially prior to age 40 (prior to which I felt invincible), but eventually it all takes its toll, especially if you have driven your body with incessant physical training as I have. Anyway, back to the pool at Lumpini Park: it costs 40 baht for a 1-year membership; foreigners must bring a medical certificate and 2 passport photos, after which they issue you a pass good for a year. Also and most unfortunately, judging from the size of the crowd I saw there, the pool is likely at full capacity and even higher during all operating hours. This effectively makes is unusable, at least in my opinion. Chances are that whenever it appears that there is a real bargain to be found, there will always be a catch. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Luckily for me on Day 2 of this visit, I found a decent swimming pool for lap swimming located on the 9^th floor of Thaniya Plaza, a large pink building on a small Silom Soi at Sala Daeng, and is owned by the health club called Body Torque. It’s a nice, clean outdoor pool, well maintained, with a poolside deck. For those who don’t already know, if you are using Thai massage for therapy on your back for an impinged nerve or for many other reasons, possibly an even better form of therapy consists in swimming. Swim as long as you can as often as you can. Try all available strokes to find the one that makes the best impact on your particular ailment, and even try to “invent” one as I have, which seems to have an impact on your ailment(s). I’m doing 2-3 hours a day with only a rare day off. It has the effect of aligning the back/spine (misalignment is often the cause of referred pain, which can be excruciating), toning the muscles to include the crucial stabilizing muscles that keep the spine in place and maintain posture (critical), and improves the circulation of blood which is instrumental to healing and staying healed. This, in combination with Thai massage, should have definite benefits. I cannot over-emphasize: Mankind was not meant to leave the oceans and venture onto land! In the water, you are weightless. Give me a set of gills and a mermaid, and you’ll never see me again!

Trying to keep a sense of humor even in a state of constant pain, it is accurate to say that I actually move faster in the water than on land at this time. It’s kinda’ funny, in an email to Stick a couple days ago, I remarked that if you saw me walking around right now, I look like an 80-year old with a wooden leg and a roll of nickels shoved up his ass. Pretty bad, as I’m “only” 44. But I intend to return to humanity, one way or another.

Here is a log detailing the number of hours I was on the massage table each day of my visit:

DAY 1 12 hours

DAY 2 8 hours

DAY 3 7 hours

DAY 4 0 hours (pulled muscle)

DAY 5 6 hours

DAY 6 6 hours

DAY 7 7 hours

DAY 8 0 hours (fever)

DAY 9 6 hours

DAY 10 4 hours

DAY 11 4 hours

DAY 12 4 hours

DAY 13 4 hours

DAY 14 4 hours

DAY 15 7 hours

DAY 16 7 hours

DAY 17 4 hours

DAY 18 3 hours

DAY 19 3 hours

TOTAL 96 hours

Avg daily 5.05 hours/day

The average daily massage hours would have been higher if I were not incapacitated on 2 days of my visit.

The first benefit of massage is the receiving of the touch of a woman, and hopefully a beautiful one. The merits of this simplest of things are greater than many would think, and it should not be discounted. The simple touch of a woman gives a buoyancy to the spirit of guys like us, and here I am not talking about sex. Just the caress. Body, mind and spirit: they all feed one another and are inextricably intertwined. Screw with one to the detriment of the other 2. Feed one and you automatically boost the other 2. They all feed and draw from the others. (This is not a religion, but observed fact).

At some point during massage therapy, and as indicated by the above chart of logged hours, you may reach the point of diminishing returns. After sowing my oats up front, most days I found that 4 hours a day was good enough. The 2 types of massage I took advantage of are the 2 main lines, and which are delivered in a different fashion: (1) Thai massage and (2) Thai oil massage. Thai massage is delivered without the use of a body lubricant and is more invasive/intrusive to the body. It is characterized primarily by targeted pressing and squeezing on key parts and pressure points all over the body. With an oil massage, there is a softer delivery and the massage is more characterized by a stiff rubbing of the skin by the masseuse. I could say that the oil massage is more comfortable. If you are after actual massage therapy in order to improve a defective condition in your body and enhance its recovery, my suggestion would be to combine them.

Here is another considerable difference in the massage types and you need to know this going in. And here is where you have to ask yourself the PURPOSE of the massage visit. Is it therapeutic? Is it sexual? Both maybe? If you select an oil massage, the masseuse will request you strip naked. Compliance is optional; however, this is the expectation. You will be lying on the massage table stark naked, and it’s all going to be flapping in the breeze. Are you comfortable with this? Can you keep yourself from getting a raging hard-on? Not that getting a hard-on is a crime or anything but keep in mind my strong advice about the therapeutic value of the massage and how it is important for you to be able to relax. The point is: can you really relax while lying down on a massage table stark naked with a petite Thai phooying pitter-pattering away at you, with everything in plain view? I’m not talking about being shy or embarrassed. It is the ability to relax that is critical. Can you fully relax under these conditions? For me, under such conditions, all I can think about is hammering the sexual dog shit out of the woman, and relaxation becomes difficult. Therefore, if you are of a like mind, I would suggest that you either leave your shorts on during the oil massage, or maybe request the masseuse use a towel (some do it automatically, some don’t). Or maybe have sex before beginning the massage to “get it out of the way”, if that’s possible, because all you’re going to be able to think about otherwise is scrogging the garbage out of your masseuse. There will be tension in the air.

The price of the oil massage is higher. These are the prices in BKK right now in 2008 and don’t vary much from house to house:

Thai massage: 250-300 baht/hour or 400 baht for 2 hours

Oil massage: 400-500 baht/hour or 800 baht for 2 hours

Just why is there such a price difference between the 2 types of massage? There is no good answer. I even queried my primary masseuse on this, and she also had no answer. An oil massage is no more difficult for the masseuse to deliver than the Thai Traditional Massage, yet the price is twice as much. The oil itself cannot be the answer, as they use mere baby oil, which is so cheap it might as well be free. In my opinion, the answer lies in the fact that with an oil massage, there is probably a higher likelihood that the customer will want more than just a simple massage (since he will be naked), and many want a “happy ending”. The massage houses therefore incorporate this reality into the price. This is quite unfortunate for those who really want only a simple massage. Additionally, those who go in for a “special massage” are likely to leave an extra tip in any event, and this should preclude the necessity of pricing the oil massage that high. Well, there’s nothing to do about it. Just move on with life. The fact is that the oil massage is a different type of massage from the Thai Traditional Massage and does different things for the body, and I would recommend that those who are undergoing any type of therapy to combine the 2 for maximum effect. For a comparison to the pricing in the U.S. for massage, first of all it must be stated that you’d have a hard time finding a decent looking woman to deliver the massage in the first place. The same identical service as available in Thailand will be difficult if not impossible to find Stateside. Aside from quality, you’re more likely to encounter a fat pig or old ogre masseuse than a cute, petite Thai princess, and that inhibits much of the relaxation and enjoyment, at least for me, as I strongly prefer the masseuse to be attractive. I can’t relax with a bloated lard-bucket female or some austere bitch rubbing my body. The worst part of it is that the cost of massage in the States is literally about TEN times as high as in Thailand; this is not an exaggeration. For those who think that Thailand’s prices have inflated, you are correct, but with a big exception. The cost of personal services (labor) in Thailand is still much lower than that in the States. Any time a person actually has to perform some service, whether it be laundry service, shoe shining, fixing your car, massage, etc., the cost will be much lower in Thailand.

Some people believe that a certain level of pain must be endured during the massage for it to be truly effective or for toxins to be released, to include even some practitioners. This is not true. While some of the pressing from Thai massage will cause moderate discomfort, pain is another thing entirely. There is a wide and varied skill level in masseuses, and there are some really good and some really bad ones. Some are so bad they’re downright offensive. Some are really good and even seem to inject a bit of “motherly care” into their work. Some are very lazy and don’t even seem to want to work. I like to go in for 4-hour long massages, and there were numerous times where ladies actually declined to go that long. I’d say about half of them don’t want to go any longer than the standard 2 hours, even though the manager may actually force them to do it (in this case, the quality of your massage will suffer accordingly, because the wench’s heart just won’t be in it). You’d think they want the revenue, but this is sometimes not the case. What the lazier ones want is big tips from “special massage” without having to work that hard for the money! Massage is quite a bit of work in the delivering. The ladies actually have to work for the money. OK, back to pain: Please note that if the masseuse is causing you pain and therefore interfering with your ability to relax, you are doing yourself no favors by failing to inform her. We all have different pain thresholds, and pain is something you should not have to tolerate when receiving your massage. If you inform your masseuse that she is causing pain during any procedure by using the word jep (pain), she will cease and go onto something else, or soften the delivery. Believe me, the skill and intelligence level of Thai masseuses runs the full spectrum of ability (some are real whackos), and some of them just don’t get it and think that it is in your best interests to endure pain in order for the massage to be effective. Bollocks. In fact, the reverse is true. The level to which you are able to fully relax bears a direct correlation to the effectiveness of the massage session overall. Pain inhibits relaxation and is therefore in contradiction to this corollary.

I’ve gone over this in my journals before, and it bears repeating: upon entry to the massage parlor, choose the masseuse you want to deliver the service. If you do not do this, you will be assigned the next wench in queue. If that doesn’t matter to you, then more power to ya’. But although my purpose of getting a massage may not be sexual, I’m not a faggot: I still want the girl to be attractive. If there are no women present who are satisfactory to your taste, simply go to another massage house. There are plenty in BKK.

If you are after the best massage therapy, you might want to sample around until you find that one special masseuse who seems to produce the best results for you and stick with her. This is not to say that you won’t go to others simultaneously, but I would see your “primary” masseuse at least once a day or every other day. Find one who understands your particular needs and seems genuinely out to help you. And maybe buy her a nice box of chocolates or something sweet to demonstrate your appreciation. Such small things win hearts and minds. Likewise, if you find a wench that seems ham-handed, avoid her like the plague. Particularly, if you find a woman who does not comply with your requests (i.e., stop because she is causing you pain, or you tell her to go soft and she fails or refuses), ditch the bitch with extreme prejudice. As a generalization, I’ve found that the optimal age for a masseuse to be approximately 28-36. Any older than that and chances are that she’s a bit weathered and strangely enough, these women often try to over-compensate for the perception that they are old by delivering a particularly strong massage, which just winds up causing you pain. Any younger than about 28 and they just lack the experience to deliver a really good massage.

It is now the morning of day 4, and I can state that the Thai massage therapy combined with the swimming seem to be proving somewhat effective in reducing the pain, so far at least. The pain radiating down my left hamstring which has plagued me and been the absolute bane of my existence for the past year seems to be decreased, albeit just slightly. This relief could be temporary in nature (it was): there have been numerous starts and stops where I thought I was recovering in the past year and I refrain from uncalled-for optimism. However, it is my opinion now that all the pitter-pattering around from the massages on my back and ass, where the sciatic nerves pass through, may have jarred something loose. This gives me added enthusiasm to continue.

The ladies employed by the massage parlors can be compared in general with bargirl types, but in the case of massage, at least you’re getting something for your money. Some of them are really seedy. The fact of the matter is that many of them are quite willing to deliver more than just a simple massage. In fact, I would opine that they actually prefer to deliver the “special massage”, as the tip is likely to be higher. Many are even available for sex if that’s what you’re after. Bottom line: they are there to make money. That said, there are many who will not provide any “extra services”.

For tips, I can only tell you what I personally give, as I don’t know what is really expected. For every hour of massage, I give 100 baht tip. This may be a bit over-generous, but this is what I give. I would like feedback on this: please email me.

A word of caution involves the use of the slippers they provide for use within the massage houses when you walk to your room. I never use them. For one thing, my concern is one of hygiene, as I can only guess that these filthy pieces of rubber have been used by many nasty farangs, and I therefore don’t care to put my feet into them judging from some of the humanity I’ve seen in the massage houses. Another reason is that I never wear these flip-flop type or open-toe shoes at all and under any circumstances. When they offer them to me, I tell the masseuses “In my country, only women and faggots wear those.” In my opinion, the wearing of open-toe footwear by men is either gay, filthy, utterly tasteless, or all of the above. Who the f*** wants to see a man’s feet? And what kind of man, other than a homosexual, would want to show off his nasty, stinking man-feet? Whynot just wear ball-hugger Spandex shorts while you’re at it? Especially disgusting is when I see men wearing these things with full length jeans, or heaven forbid: slacks. This is just soooo awfully tasteless, it’s offensive. I’ve even seen some (mostly Thai men) who will wear these slippers with a full suit! If they were to do this in Hometown, U.S.A., they would be singled out, pointed at, laughed at, ridiculed, and generally lambasted as if they were a circus clown.

Continuing to feel better, I felt a bit froggy last night and since my body felt up to it, I decided to take a cab to Gulliver’s on Sukhumvit Soi 5, especially as Stick’s latest column indicated the quality appearance of the females he’s seen in there recently. No harm taking a look. Sat down and had a nice dinner next to one of the said prostitutes (they’re all over the place), and after a little while, a very seedy looking working woman came over to my seat and approached me, standing next to me. I could see it in her eyes: she meant business. She was lassoing this farang or else. Well, I was having none of it. Many may have considered her pretty or even beautiful, but she just struck the wrong chord. Then things got worse. Out of nowhere and unprovoked/unsolicited, she began offering purely gratuitous and offensive trash talk. This bitch was whacked. She noticed that one of her competitors was busy chatting with a black fellow. As she was standing next to me while I was minding my own business consuming my victuals, she declared, “Look at her. She talking to black man. She no good. Anybody can take her out and give her f***ing. Anybody can f*** her. She nothing. Blah blah blah....” I had no reply to this and just say there hoping she would leave without my having to ask her to. She asked why I was not talking. She stated, “We just talking. No charge for talking or drinking. No problem.” Well, isn’t that generous of the bitch? I started to sense that this bird was of the cuckoo variety. After a couple more really bizarre statements, I told her that I needed to be going. When she heard this, and therefore knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was obtaining no revenue from this rich farang, she told me to go f*** myself. Returning to her stool where she was making a glass of red wine last probably a couple hours, she proceeded to extend her middle finger in my direction. I informed one of the female bartenders of this crap and asked what she was going to do about it. “Do you want to talk to manager?” “No, I’m talking to YOU. What are YOU going to do about it? Do you let people treat your customers this way?” “Just ignore her”, was the answer I got, and she walked away in a huff. My conclusion is this: steer clear of these freelancer-type prostitutes. The fact is that you know absolutely nothing about them, and even if you query on any details about their person, you can expect nothing but lies. They are a money-grubbing and trouble-making lot of humanity, and patronizing them, you may get more (trouble) than you bargained for. They may be pleasant to look at and some of them pleasant to chat with, but I cannot imagine ever taking one of them out with me and brining them into my residence or hotel. Bargirls maybe; at least you know where they work and may have at least some leverage if something goes awry, but with freelancers, you are taking a lot more chances that you will be patronizing a real psycho and could be in for a roller coaster ride you don’t need.

Went to Gulliver’s again the following evening (glutton for punishment or just plain stupid) and the service attendant was so rude I just walked out. I ordered, which was difficult as the wench was for some reason acting as if she didn’t understand my order, and to make a long story short, I actually believe she brought the wrong thing on purpose. This was the same woman who refused to do anything about the prostitute that cursed me out. Not only that, but she gave me a look as if to say, “Go to Hell and die, farang.” At one point in attempting to get the c**t to understand what I wanted to order, I tried to enlist the assistance of the kind prostitute sitting next to me, who was there also the previous evening, but even this was of no avail. I simply walked out without paying. This was the rudest customer service experience I’ve had in my 8 trips to Thailand. I can say that it has never before happened at Gulliver’s, but it discourages me from going there again. In retrospect, the whacko prostitute and the waitress may be personal friends.

One of Stickman’s first Green Star Readers Submissions was written by Jayson, who opined that the Thai ladies who gravitate toward farangs are bad apples. He stated that you should not walk away, but run. I can remember at least one dissenting opinion to Jayson’s in following submissions. At this point, and with plenty of observation time, I can say that Jayson is 100% correct. What we get is the leftovers, or maybe there is a better description. What we get are often the eccentric ones, or the misfits. They often do not blend well with their own culture and so seek refuge with us foreigners. Most notably, these women who cater to and seem to go only with farangs are almost all out with an agenda which does not include your best interests, but only hers and those of her immediate family. If you do not agree with this analysis, your powers of observation are wanting. Either that, or you are in denial and refuse to accept the truth. (Many people find it convenient to believe what it is pleasant for them to believe and prefer to delude themselves instead of accepting the truth. To quote a favorite phrase, “You can’t handle the truth”.) Think about it. Imagine what you, a guy from the U.S. or maybe even Europe or Australia, would think of a woman who gravitated toward men of a different descent. For instance, suppose you knew a white chick who only liked blacks, or Asians (pick your race) for that matter. What kind of qualities would you automatically assign to her?

One of the few things I’ve disagreed with the StickMeister about is the nature of the taxi drivers in BKK. After 8 visits, and while there are exceptions, I still believe them to be a shifty lot of beggars lacking integrity. It becomes evident when you attempt long distance travel, such as travel from BKK to Pattaya via taxi, in any number of ways. Those who have read my previous journals can find no end of examples. That said, I see where Stick is coming from in that with intra-city travel within BKK, there is little they can do to cheat you as long as they use the meter. But that won’t stop them from trying. For instance, I almost always like to give a tip to the drivers, and usually it’s on the high side of whatever they receive from anyone else. A trick I’ve developed to see if they are honest is, upon drop-off, give them a bill (maybe 100 baht) for which they need to give you change, out of which they will get the tip. It is my belief that these taxi drivers ALL have sufficient change for such bills, and their refusal to take the bill simply means they are trying to get the remainder as a tip and to gouge you out of your money. (If they have no change, my belief is that they should, so the result is the same). Just this morning I took a taxi for which the bill was 37 baht. I had 2 twenty-notes on me but I gave him a 100 baht note so I could give him a 23 baht tip, keeping the 40 baht leftover. He told me he had no change. I laughed and said, “Oh, no change? OK, no tip.” Actually the creep did get 3 baht. In my opinion, this is an excellent way to try to ensure that only the honest taxi drivers (are there any?) get tips, while at the same time you’ll wind up saving yourself tip money if you tip like I do (U.S. style).

Went to an internet café after my morning swim on Day 10 and played some internet chess (have always been an avid chess enthusiast). Could not help but notice the rather ordinary looking Thai guy sitting next to me, but who was paging through gay personals evidently trying to find the cock of his dreams. As I peeked over, there were nothing but men this evident salami smuggler was interested in. I guess this is a good way to find one. Thailand does indeed seem full of gays: they are in no short supply, and so many of the guys are feminine. There is one very conspicuous one in the California Fitness Center at Sala Daeng who wears the same type of outfit every time I’ve seen him: disgustingly tight high cut ball hugger shorts, a tank top, and 2 earrings (my guess is that he also wears open-toe footwear outside the gym). The mere sight of him makes my skin crawl, and I avoid eye contact with him for fear of contamination. The guy who tipped me off to Body Torque also happens to be gay; however, this guy is OK. He is a gentleman, dresses normally, does not stare rudely as if he’s after quarry, etc. He knows his place and knows who he has a chance of butt-slamming and who he doesn’t. In reality, I have nothing against fags; it’s just the actions, politics, and apparel of some of them that repulse me. What they choose to allow to penetrate their anal cavity, or what they stick in their mouth behind closed doors is their business. Speaking of homosexuality, my masseuse actually said she thought I might be gay because I happened to be one of the very few customers she’s encountered who never asks for “special massage”, nor have I hit on her or tried to have sex with her. This does not speak well for the type of clientele she caters to.

Last night took a Skytrain ride over to Sukhumvit area and met up with my good buddy Stick. It was great to meet up, and we each babbled as we caught up on the events of the past year. After this, we conducted an expedition to a gogo or 2, and it must be said that each and every time I go to these places, although a good time can certainly be had and some of the girls are really a lot of fun to sit and chat with, it strikes me at how hardened some of the women become. Of particular note, one specific heavily tattooed female (she even had one on her face) was evidently on some sort of drug, probably ya-ba (meth, or as we used to call it back in the day: crank). Not only that, she struck both of us as downright evil, even possessed. Her behavior was extremely peculiar, as she preened herself in the mirror for the entire night and was fixated on her own appearance to the extent that she disregarded almost everything and everybody else. Dancing away on stage, she appeared to be in her own little world, and failed to make eye contact with one single customer the entire time we watched her. Never once was she at rest and never once did I see her smile or even look at any of the customers, and at one point she was dancing solo at a table full of Japanese guys, who are reputed to be the best paying customers. She was truly frightening. That said, the bouncy, young, smiling, petite beauty that sat on Daddy’s lap was truly refreshing and a lot of fun, and you’d have needed a gun to get the smile off her face, or mine for that matter.

An observation I’ve made before in a previous journal refers to some of the blacks that travel to Thailand. The ones that come from the African continent have almost nothing (aside from skin color) in common with their cousins that contaminate the U.S. First, it is my belief/opinion that blacks in America, or as they prefer to be called in an effort to differentiate themselves from the culture of which they are a part and of which they are ever so contemptuous (parasitic succubi), African Americans, are the single most racist people on the face of this Earth. I mention this because blacks in Thailand have nothing in common with their cousins in the States. For one thing, they dress very nicely and professionally, and are always gentlemen when engaged in conversation. Their mode of dress is particularly sharp and professional, unlike their counterparts in the States who dress like a bunch of hoodlums or wild animals, often wearing baggy type pants that hang down ridiculously below their ass to expose their boxer shorts and even wearing stockings over their heads as if they were about to rob a 7-11. There is a coffee shop directly in front of the Silom City Hotel where a group of these native Africans, I think they said they were from Nigeria, sit and enjoy themselves. They are always nicely dressed (much better so than myself, as I’m usually in gym attire during the day), I have never seen them raise any kind of commotion, they return my greetings every time, they smile with little provocation and seem genuinely content with life, the list goes on. They have little in common with African Americans, who are a political blight on the U.S.A. and only seek its downfall to their own selfish benefit (and they are getting their wish as my country continues to slide down the tubes, as it’s inhabitants yawn their way to global mediocrity). I was chatting with Stick a couple nights ago and remarked that the only things the States can do now better than any others are 1) entertain (Hollywood), and 2) destroy (U.S. armed services are still the world’s finest fighting force). Aside from that, others have risen to ascendancy, like the Japs, whose Toyota car company overtook GM this year...and my fellow countrymen didn’t even seem to give a rat’s ass if they even noticed at all. I swear: Teddy Roosevelt would be turning over in his grave. Anyway, African Americans could learn a bit from their REAL African brothers: they don’t even qualify as a cheap imitation.

Went out today to get my massage, and not that it surprised me, but while watching the traffic passing by, I noticed an Asian male sitting on the back of a moto-taxi staring at me and simultaneously picking his nose very conspicuously right out in the open. What is it with Asian men that they have such a disgusting predilection to openly dig into their snot-lockers?! Often in public, they seem to have no qualms at digging for nasal boulders, often oblivious to just how loathsome this makes them appear. Do they think they’re invisible or something? Anyway, noticing the guy, I stopped walking dead in my tracks, took off my (mirrored) sunglasses, and in an effort to demonstrate to him just how disgusting he appeared to me, I stared him dead in the eye and mimicked him...began furiously digging into my own nose. There is no better was to demonstrate the absurdity of something than with being equally absurd yourself. That way, the subject gets a chance to see firsthand how pathetic he appears to others.

Out with Stick again a couple nights ago, we started with a good Mexican buffet at Bourbon Street which was only about 300 baht. Winding up at Soi Cowboy, I enjoyed having Noi sit across my lap for a little while. It must be remarked that these girls, simple farm girls though they may be, really do know how to tug at your heartstrings, what with the way they lay right across your lap to demonstrate their complete availability. They know exactly what they’re doing! The way they entice you sexually is skilful to say the least. Never having met you, they are just so adept at convincing you that you are special. The fact is that the only thing special about you is your wallet. That said, these outings can be lots of fun; leave it at that and leave her where you found her!

Feeling better yet, yesterday I went to the Hard Rock to get myself an over-priced burger and fries (I got what I bargained for). I expected to get an eyeful of prostitutes with it, but was surprised to see that there were none there. I was there years ago and remember the place being packed with working women the same way Gulliver’s is, but there was not one to be found. This means either that the staff are stopping them from entering nowadays, or more likely, the Hard Rock is now so expensive that they’ve priced the prostitutes out of that market. My hamburger was 340 baht, and although it was OK, it was hardly a bargain. To my dismay, I noticed a service charge on my bill and therefore left no tip. Whenever this happens, I actually wind up saving money, as my tips are likely to be higher than their service charge every time. After dinner, walked about around Siam Center area trying unsuccessfully to get a taxi, and then again around Sala Daeng for an evening massage. Forgetting to take an umbrella, the season’s liquid sunshine drenched me completely, and I dripped my way into a massage house before the petite phooying from Chiang Rai pitter-pattered my aches and pains away.

If you are after a simple, decent, wholesome Western style meal, and you are anywhere near the Silom area, my strong advice is to head to the Duke of Wellington Pub. It is a few hundred meters west (away from Lumpini Park direction) of Sala Daeng, and is on the opposite side of the road from the den of iniquity known as Patpong. I have gone there numerous times, have had a perfect meal every single time, the price is very reasonable, the service is always perfect (!), there is free wi-fi, and there is never a service charge. Add to that the fact that the establishment is farang owned, and they have my business as often as I can give it to them. I strongly believe in patronizing farang owned establishments in Thailand, as they are often at a disadvantage to Thai owned establishments, not being part of the “in crowd”. It makes no difference what country the owner hails from (i.e., England, U.S., Australia, India, etc), if it is farang owned, chances are that the food and customer service quality will be superior. And on a personal note, I just want the entrepreneur who took the risk to open such an establishment to succeed, and therefore choose to patronize such facilities. Body Torque Fitness Club is another such example, as the owner, whose name is Bryce, hails from Australia. If you want to stay in shape and feel like avoiding the boisterous crowds of larger clubs such as California Fitness Center, I would highly recommend Body Torque. Monthly membership cards are available for 4000 baht. Not only do they have a pool suitable for lap swimming, the weight/cardio room is good and certainly very functional for any type of exercise enthusiast, and they even issue you gym clothes and towel when you visit. The lifestyle of Thailand does not particularly lend itself to staying in shape, but you should really consider it, as it offsets the stressors that Thailand introduces, as well as the detrimental effects of the types of things many farangs engage in while in the LOS.

This being my 8^th trip, my observation is that BKK is getting ever more crowded these days. The Skytrain is more crowded than I’ve ever seen it, and if you try to ride it at peak hours, you are due for an unpleasant time and will be sardined in with all the working stiffs. In fact, you may actually have to wait out a car or 2 because they are so packed. And the street traffic is worse yet. It is in fact so bad that on many occasions, and for the first time ever in my experience, the taxi drivers are starting to be picky as to whether they will take you to your destination. On many occasions, I entered a taxi only to have the driver inform me that he would not take me to my destination because there was too much traffic. Many times nowadays they query your destination before you even enter and decide whether they’ll be good enough to take you. Maggots.

Out with Stick again last night we had a decent dinner at Scoozi, where they serve some excellent and fairly priced pizza. However, they charge a service charge, and so my tip was nada. Afterward, we headed over to Soi Cowboy again and had an eyeful. One of the petite cuties looked like she was probably underage, and in trying to explain this to her, what with her speaking next to no English at all, I said, “You baby”, and demonstrated the idea by inserting my thumb in my mouth the way a baby does. She retorted hilariously by saying, “Me no baby”, sticking her thumb in her mouth and shaking her head, and then immediately afterward made the gesture of giving a blowjob (with both hands by the way). As funny as I found this, I felt sorry for the young girl.

Last night had me hanging out with Stick again, and we caught some decent chow at a nice, well-hidden Italian restaurant, after which we headed to Gulliver’s. I tried to get a massage afterward, but the masseuse of my choice was unfortunately unavailable and working on an obese foreigner’s feet. This morning, which is my departure day, finds me yet again now wanting to depart Thailand. It’s almost a sense of dread having to leave here and go back to the States. As usual, if there were any way I could stay on (i.e., if I were financially independent), I would not be leaving. In any event, it’s back to my Western doctor to see whether he can even figure out what’s causing my hamstring trouble.

Do I really have to leave? As I sit in a lounge at Suvarnabhumi Airport trying unsuccessfully to access wireless internet, I am wishing only for Mr. Wizard to wave his magic wand and somehow allow me to stay in Thailand. This trip out, although there have not been much shenanigans, has provided me with the relaxation I came for. I look forward to a return hopefully sometime late summer, and hopefully at that time I can venture outside BKK, possibly to some place exotic like Mae Hong Son, away from the beaten track. Who knows, maybe I’ll retire there or somewhere near there when that time in my life comes along.

At this time, I need to take a shot across the bow. Having just cleared airport security, the Thai imbecile that cleared me chose to seize my skin lotion and anti-perspirant. Did this guy think he was saving the world? I asked him why he needed to seize these harmless items, and all he could say was “You cannot board the airplane with these things.” What in God’s name could I possibly do with these things on an airplane to cause any harm?! There are few things in my life which aggravate me more than this INSANE BULLSHIT. I am tired of my personal rights and liberties being trampled upon in the name of some f***ing witch hunt which the bureaucracies have no idea how to combat, so their answer is to shit all over the rights of law abiding citizens like me. I give my home country, the U.S.A., the lion’s share of the blame, as they have led the world in the most idiotic regulations that are now pervasive at every airport in the world (for the prices I pay, I want them to KISS my ass, not search it). We have led the way in transforming the entire world, Thailand included, into a 21^st century equivalent of the Goddamn 3^rd Reich. Since we don’t have the balls to do what’s really necessary to eradicate terrorism (and would rather take our boys home from Iraq in bodybags), we take these stupid and useless half-measures, and all we wind up doing is harassing ourselves, the law-abiding contingent of the population. The thing that pisses me off the most about this kind of thing is that the sheeple just bend over and take it up the ass and don’t bother getting involved trying to stop the insanity. The masses see no harm or evil in 85-year old grannies being frisked at a queue at the airport because they think it’s necessary in order to keep them safe. How preposterous is this?! What kind of world do we live in nowadays? And now this horse shit is spreading to Thailand, or at least its airports. I’m only happy that I won’t be around for the worst of it. I may have about 30 years at best left, probably less the way my health is going.

Crazily enough, as I cleared the Taiwan airport, the shithead who stole my small scissors on my way to Thailand (ostensibly protecting the world against the horrible blight of terrorism!) actually recognized me as I was going the other way. He asked me if I was not the individual who came through 3 weeks ago and whose scissors he confiscated. I told him that I was that individual, and accordingly asked him if he was enjoying the use of the scissors and if he did not also wish to confiscate other items for his or his wife’s personal use. F***ing jerkoff!

As I depart the LOS, the following observations can be made with regard to the effect of the massage therapy combined with swimming. I attribute these results, small though they be, to the combined and synergistic effect of Thai massage with the swimming:

Walk with less pain/stiffness and less radiating pain to hamstring. I’m actually starting to walk and move with more normality.

Chronic lower back pain is significantly diminished. This has been critical to my ability to get around normally again.

Flexibility to lean forward (spinal flexion) is increased.

Ability to perform “normal” actions (i.e., take a shower, tie my shoes, brush my teeth, etc.,) without increased pain is increased.

Ability to perform hamstring strengthening exercises (physical therapy) without undue consequences is improved.

Overall pain level is decreased.

Ability to mentally concentrate and mentally focus are improved.

Unfortunately, hamstring pain and tension (which is my chief medical complaint) is largely unaffected, or at best, only slightly decreased.

Chok dee Brothers. Stay out of trouble.

Great, detailed report! And it is always nice to see someone out a bit of attitude into his writing and say what he really thinks.

The whole massage scene is fascinating. It's something that every tourist should avail himself of, be it the traditional variety, or otherwise. Massage here is ridiculously inexpensive and the effects of a good massage lasts well after the bird's hands have left your body.